a lot of things had happened since i wrote in here, and to tell you the truth, i have actually partially forgot the existance of this blog until a dear fren (i.e: fets) reminded me about it. ngeh ngeh.

and so i shall recap what had happened since i last jot a line in here;

1. my first sister got married, and it was a fantastic day for all of us. she looked ever so beautiful and my parents were extravagantly happy (to have a new son, which frm the look of it is more obedient and quiet than the rest of us! :P )

2. i went back home to malaysia for a glorious 3 weeks (which turned out to be very short and excessively tiring with 2 wedding ceremonies and eid celebration). and we moved from kl to puchong (i know bruneians who read this will probably think twice of the name of the new place i live in :P ), its a big massive house with huuuge living and family rooms. i ended up spending most of time upstairs being too lazy to walk up and down (hihi)

3. i am now doing urology and nephrology block in leics. it is not as tiring doing urology, and i can see lots of opportunities for me to skive here and there. but i guess now responsibility and virtue(?) have evolved in me.. and so everyday here i am in the hospital.. clerking patients. i really wanna do more examinations and not just history taking, butthe problem is.. most of the patients are in pain. feel terrible to put them in  ore misery. anyhow, i managed to talk to 3 patients this morning and quickly feel a polycystic kidney (which is the size of a melon!).

4. last week have been eventful. i cant even describe it in my own words what have happened. so many things happned that i feel i need another weekend to clear my head off. couple of happy news, a few that test my friends' willpower and faith, and a couple more that make me wonder and doubt myself. at times like this its comforting to have friends that will support u, and my mother's guidance from far away.

and i guess i have somewhat learned that things are not as straight forward as i liked them to be. and these are things that will help me to be a better person in the future.

till then, pray so i'll make a wise decision,and even if it's not wise, it is the best for me.

and pray that i'll have courage and determination in facing this exam coming.

amiin

in life.. we learn things as we grow. take in lessons from other people, exchange knowledge and wisdom from family and friends. this process takes time and patience.. and on top of all.. it needs honesty and a pure mind. no way a person can learn when bad thoughts are clouding one's head.

i am writing this in realisation of how thoughtless i was. and how stupid i must seem hating someone who wants to be like me. a friend once said that "imitation is the best flattery". but guess i'm not flattered.

this is the moment of truth

things that i've learned this 2 month in lincoln!

1. orthopeadic is not a bad future career at all (but still is a male dominated area)

2. microwavable food does not make u lose weight

3. diarrheoa does

4. lincoln water is crap- make ur face break out, but ur skin really dry (the irony?)

5. what goes around comes around (if u help others, ppl will help u)

6. sjp as bradshaw is really really annoying! (i wish i'm not as neurotic as she is!)

7. fracture neck of femur is like kebabs in leicester- u see a lot of them

8. cute doctors makes u learn harder (just so u can impress them?)

9. just give dirty looks to annoying ppl making stupid unecessary remarks in lectures (it works!)

10. studying is fun if u put ur head and heart into it!

p/s: to set the record straight, i've learned more than just 10 things okay. just cant be bothered to put everything down here.

lastly, i'm gonna miss lincoln. this is the place where i've learn new things and know myself better. hopefully it'll get better.

i just know its a good advice when i heard them.. but to do what it says .. is a different story.

we went for a really good bday celebration dinner/ stuffing up session till u can burst in a brazilian restaurant in lincoln. at first i havent got a clue of what brazilian ppl eat! i mean.. i know ronaldo and roberto carlos looks really 'healthy' (ihik ihik), but i have to solemnly admit my brain density in not knowing what sort of food they eat.

we arrived there at about 7 and waited quite a bit for the other 2 'turtles' (and one of them is the bday boy) to arrive. after about 15 minutes of waiting , they arrived, and it was a successful surprise! (i, finally managed not to splurt a word about the dinner to the bday boy before the party- which is quite an amazing record for me!)

now i shall explain to u guys about the brazilian food. since it is not a halal restaurant, me and fiz ended up eating vegetarian (and i was very very glad in the end to be eating the vegetarian food- for reasons i shall elaborate on later). cally is a vegetarian as well. well anyway, how the restaurant serve their food is interesting. it is based on one place in brazil (i might made this up), they bbq various meats and bring the meat around the restaurant, and the ppl and choose what they want. its like the chefs has to walk around the restaurant, parading with their 'meats' and cut some slices and we pick it up frm the tray. and eat.

and so- the food keep coming theh whole night, and we keep on stuffing our face with it! its not as heavenly as it sounds tho. if u have excessive leftovers, u need to pay for them!  so, the rule of thumb is, u have to finish basically most of the food u picked from the chefs. ( it is blatantly rude anyways not to eat what uve chose so urself).

and so finally, after a bowl of salad, a plate of some fried starters, some bbq-ed vegetarian meat, some rice, fried mushroom thingy, a big chunk of bday cake, i left the place feeling like ive gained an extra 5 kgs!! (and this is the reason why i am happy to be a vegetarian for the night- i might have gain an extra 15 if those were real meat!!!)

 and so- since ive mention the word 'advice' earlier in this entry, the morale of my story is.. its very good to go out and try sth new for a change. learn of other ppl's food and culture. but never ever eat till u find it's difficult to breath. ;)

till then, i am having a new addiction to one tree hill series. not because of the cute faces or the bad acting, but becasue of BASKETBALL!! and the good soundtrack! i just miss basketball...

last night was fun. we went to watch casino royale, and the hunky james bond is just gorgeous!! (but not as good looking as dr delicious in stroke unit  ). i think i'm into cold hearted guys now. ngeh ngeh.

anyway, now i'm going into the 6th week of orthopaedic block. and this fact is freaking me out!!   what have i done for the past 5 weeks. seriously.. what have i done? i have been lazying around too much and NOT dedicating myself to any of the books!! not even my handbook is still filled with empty spaces.. the same also goes for my orthopaedic section in my brain.

i am not ready to call myself a 4th year medic... but the truth in couple months i'm gonna be in senior rotation.. and "oh- god- this -is -even- more freaky!!" doctor in less than 2 years??

if they left a patient under my care now.. i can assure u, he'll be dead/ or near death.

p/s: i feel like i'm on my way to get a license to kill.

and obviously i'm exagerrating. (have u guys not noticed a similar pattern in my blocks? the last 3 weeks then only i'm freaking out! haih...)

i've decided to be positive today, and ignore the fact that i am feeling entirely and utterly lazy. i will try to remain proactive and motivated,, although my head in picturing the comfy bed at home.

and i pledge to myslef that no matter what or who annoys me today- i shall ignore it. "ignorance is bliss". this shall be my motivating chant for the day. sometimes to not ponder too much over it is much simpler than stressing out for no reason.

and i have also decided that things dont just happen. u have to make them happen.

p/s: mode for the day- fire and smilessss!! :D

it was my bday on the 6th, and it took me 3 days to feel slightly wiser and older. today is the 9th. hihihi. well, tht is me, i tend to be a bit late in everything - esp if the matter is regarding growing up, maturing, getting cleverer, u name it.

the medical school is really funny. or maybe i shud say the GMC is funny. i dunno who's funnier. they made us plan the elective early- so that they can rearrange the date and made us feel miserable and do the same work all over again. weird.

but thank god for my slownesss and procrastination habit.. i havent actually applied for my elective, which suits me well in this medical school fickle-mindedness (if u get wht i mean) :p

to another story, i need to do my shopping to bring home stuff - eg; clothes, makeups, wedding gifts!!! i havent got a clue on wht to give my beautiful sister.... my first sibling to get married. i'm sure it'll be a tear flooding event! hihi. i have to ask her directly wht she wants..

wht is it we are looking for in life?

good job?

a handsome caring partner in life?

a happy family?

fame and beauty?

what?

in the end, all of us will die anyway. we will be burried 6 feet under. its the after life which matters.

so why now we are so stressed up over this short period of time. our life is only a blink of an eye compared  to  the rest of our life that follows after we die.

and so i dont get why are we so stressed up over THIS life?